tjaymadison
05-22-2001, 03:06 AM
Another cut and paste from PC911, credit Wakko -- tjay
------------------------
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company,
of course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the web department
take it down immediately.
(for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too).
------------------------
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments
to fill out the warranty registration card below.
Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will
help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. Title:
<_> Mr.
<_> Mrs.
<_> Ms.
<_> Miss
<_> Lt.
<_> Gen.
<_> Comrade
<_> Classified
<_> Other
First Name: ................................................
Initial: .........
Last Name ..........................................
Password: .......................... (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................
Latitude: .......................
Longitude: .......................
Altitude: .......................
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
<_> F-14 Tomcat
<_> F-15 Eagle
<_> F-16 Falcon
<_> F-117A Stealth
<_> Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ......./....... /......
4. Serial Number: ...........................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
<_> Received as gift / aid package
<_> Catalogue / showroom
<_> Independent arms broker
<_> Mail order
<_> Discount store
<_> Government surplus
<_> Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
product you have just purchased:
<_> Heard loud noise, looked up
<_> Store display
<_> Espionage
<_> Recommended by friend / relative / ally
<_> Political lobbying by manufacturer
<_> Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell-Douglas product:
<_> Style / appearance
<_> Speed / maneuverability
<_> Price / value
<_> Comfort / convenience
<_> Kickback / bribe
<_> Recommended by salesperson
<_> McDonnell Douglas reputation
<_> Advanced Weapons Systems
<_> Backroom politics
<_> Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
<_> North America
<_> Iraq
<_> Iraq
<_> Aircraft carrier
<_> Iraq
<_> Europe
<_> Iraq
<_> Middle East (not Iraq)
<_> Iraq
<_> Africa
<_> Iraq
<_> Asia / Far East
<_> Iraq
<_> Misc. Third World countries
<_> Iraq
<_> Classified
<_> Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own
or intend to purchase in the near future:
<_> Color TV
<_> VCR
<_> ICBM
<_> Killer Satellite
<_> CD Player
<_> Air-to-Air Missiles
<_> Space Shuttle
<_> Home Computer
<_> Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply):
<_> Communist / Socialist
<_> Terrorist
<_> Crazed
<_> Neutral
<_> Democratic
<_> Dictatorship
<_> Corrupt
<_> Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
<_> Deficit spending
<_> Cash
<_> Suitcases of cocaine
<_> Oil revenues
<_> Personal check
<_> Credit card
<_> Ransom money
<_> Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
<_> Homemaker
<_> Sales / marketing
<_> Revolutionary
<_> Clerical
<_> Mercenary
<_> Tyrant
<_> Middle management
<_> Eccentric billionaire
<_> Defense Minister / General
<_> Retired
<_> Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities
in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
<_> Golf
<_> Boating / sailing
<_> Sabotage
<_> Running / jogging
<_> Propaganda / misinformation
<_> Destabilization / overthrow
<_> Default on loans
<_> Gardening
<_> Crafts
<_> Black market / smuggling
<_> Collectibles / collections
<_> Watching sports on TV
<_> Wines
<_> Interrogation / torture
<_> Household pets
<_> Crushing rebellions
<_> Espionage / reconnaissance
<_> Fashion clothing
<_> Border disputes
<_> Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.
Your answers will be used in market studies that will help
McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as
allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other
companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered
to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department Military,
Aerospace Division
IMPORTANT NOTE:
This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)
named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged
or unsuitable for overly-sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense
of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended
recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail is
not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes
an irritating social faux pas.
Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal, or
grammatical use and may be ignored.
No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although
the Kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified
to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning
backwards, so just ignore that alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your
computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.
If you have received this e-mail in error, please add some nutmeg
and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.
------------------
"I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
-- Charles Babbage, mathematician, computer pioneer, analytical engine designer (1791-1871)
-- (Question: 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?')
"Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand."
-- Homer Simpson
[This message has been edited by tjaymadison (edited 05-22-2001).]
------------------------
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company,
of course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the web department
take it down immediately.
(for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too).
------------------------
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments
to fill out the warranty registration card below.
Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will
help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. Title:
<_> Mr.
<_> Mrs.
<_> Ms.
<_> Miss
<_> Lt.
<_> Gen.
<_> Comrade
<_> Classified
<_> Other
First Name: ................................................
Initial: .........
Last Name ..........................................
Password: .......................... (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................
Latitude: .......................
Longitude: .......................
Altitude: .......................
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
<_> F-14 Tomcat
<_> F-15 Eagle
<_> F-16 Falcon
<_> F-117A Stealth
<_> Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ......./....... /......
4. Serial Number: ...........................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
<_> Received as gift / aid package
<_> Catalogue / showroom
<_> Independent arms broker
<_> Mail order
<_> Discount store
<_> Government surplus
<_> Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
product you have just purchased:
<_> Heard loud noise, looked up
<_> Store display
<_> Espionage
<_> Recommended by friend / relative / ally
<_> Political lobbying by manufacturer
<_> Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell-Douglas product:
<_> Style / appearance
<_> Speed / maneuverability
<_> Price / value
<_> Comfort / convenience
<_> Kickback / bribe
<_> Recommended by salesperson
<_> McDonnell Douglas reputation
<_> Advanced Weapons Systems
<_> Backroom politics
<_> Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
<_> North America
<_> Iraq
<_> Iraq
<_> Aircraft carrier
<_> Iraq
<_> Europe
<_> Iraq
<_> Middle East (not Iraq)
<_> Iraq
<_> Africa
<_> Iraq
<_> Asia / Far East
<_> Iraq
<_> Misc. Third World countries
<_> Iraq
<_> Classified
<_> Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own
or intend to purchase in the near future:
<_> Color TV
<_> VCR
<_> ICBM
<_> Killer Satellite
<_> CD Player
<_> Air-to-Air Missiles
<_> Space Shuttle
<_> Home Computer
<_> Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply):
<_> Communist / Socialist
<_> Terrorist
<_> Crazed
<_> Neutral
<_> Democratic
<_> Dictatorship
<_> Corrupt
<_> Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
<_> Deficit spending
<_> Cash
<_> Suitcases of cocaine
<_> Oil revenues
<_> Personal check
<_> Credit card
<_> Ransom money
<_> Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
<_> Homemaker
<_> Sales / marketing
<_> Revolutionary
<_> Clerical
<_> Mercenary
<_> Tyrant
<_> Middle management
<_> Eccentric billionaire
<_> Defense Minister / General
<_> Retired
<_> Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities
in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
<_> Golf
<_> Boating / sailing
<_> Sabotage
<_> Running / jogging
<_> Propaganda / misinformation
<_> Destabilization / overthrow
<_> Default on loans
<_> Gardening
<_> Crafts
<_> Black market / smuggling
<_> Collectibles / collections
<_> Watching sports on TV
<_> Wines
<_> Interrogation / torture
<_> Household pets
<_> Crushing rebellions
<_> Espionage / reconnaissance
<_> Fashion clothing
<_> Border disputes
<_> Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.
Your answers will be used in market studies that will help
McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as
allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other
companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered
to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department Military,
Aerospace Division
IMPORTANT NOTE:
This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)
named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged
or unsuitable for overly-sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense
of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended
recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail is
not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes
an irritating social faux pas.
Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal, or
grammatical use and may be ignored.
No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although
the Kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified
to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning
backwards, so just ignore that alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your
computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.
If you have received this e-mail in error, please add some nutmeg
and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.
------------------
"I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
-- Charles Babbage, mathematician, computer pioneer, analytical engine designer (1791-1871)
-- (Question: 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?')
"Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand."
-- Homer Simpson
[This message has been edited by tjaymadison (edited 05-22-2001).]