Utilities

[bassman]

Utilities

A conversation between a salesman (S) and myself (M).

S: I would like to sell you this mop
M: I already have a mop
S: This mop is better
M: How do you know?
S: I helped that company build their mop
M: So are you saying you didn’t do a very good job for them?
S: Never mind, this mop is better, it cleans better, its easier to use, and it tells you when you need a new mop head.
M: But the mop I have never needs a new head and it came with the house.
S: This mop is better.
M: How much does it cost?
S: Half as much as your house
M: And you’re not ashamed to say that?
S: It’s a very good mop. It can do things your other mop can’t do
M: Like what?
S: It can clean inside of the cabinets without opening the doors
M: Why don’t I just open the doors?
S: It comes with it’s own cabinet and helps you free up space
M: Wait a minute, doesn’t the cabinet take up space?
S: Yes, but it has tools to help your house work better.
M: If my house has more tools, doesn’t it just work more?
S: Yes, but these tools can help you clean your house better
M: Better then the mop you are already trying to sell me?
S: Yes
M: How?
S: It has a tool to tell you someone is trying to come into your house and make you sick.
M: I keep my doors locked
S: Some people know how to pick locks
M: OK, now I’m interested, how does this work?
S: We come into your house, rearrange everything, and put our stickers on everything so we know where it all is.
M: Seems like an odd way to keep me from getting sick, but you’re the expert. What if I decide I don’t want to use this tool any more?
S: We remove our stickers from everything
M: Do you put my stuff back to the way I had it?
S: No
M: Do you give me a list that tells me where everything is?
S: No
M: How do I get my stuff back?
S: Burn your house down and start over
M: WHAT? What about my family pictures, my tax paperwork, my love letters???
S: Start over
M: Now I am feeling sick. Do people actually buy these mops and tools?
S: Yep. Every day. And if you don’t, you’re crazy.
M: Hmmm? What other tools does it have?
S: You can get a tool that tells you how well everything in your house is working.
M: But I already can do that.
S: This tells you better
M: How much better do I need to know?
S: This can tell you great detail so you can test and compare your house with other houses
M: It’s a house, not a science project.
M: I think I will pass, thanks for the info.
S: Are you sure?
M: Yes
S: Can we send you a reminder letter once a week to ask you again?
M: NO
S: OK, we will only send it once a month
M: GET LOST

http://www.PCGuide.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

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Waiting patiently for the future to arrive. Frank's Place (http://dreamwater.net/tech/frankscomp/)

[Ghost_Hacker]

Hey, doesn't that sales guy work at Circuit City. http://www.PCGuide.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[kayofcircles]

LOL. My husband has a similar "relationship" with Norton. We had a weird conversation not too long back about that. Unless he has it garbled, he thinks that one has to pay Norton again (!) at some point for updates. I pointed out that one doesn't have to pay AVG for updates. Plus, he had the same problem that you did...when he had to redo puter and reinstall Norton, he went to register again and date was 2000. But somewhere along the way, he has bought into a similar sales pitch as above...sigh.

[mjc]

Yep...Norton and McAfee both, after about a year, require you to purchase their anti-virus software again (in order to update anything other than the definition files).

Anyway, didn't salesman used to get tarred and feather (or at least run out of town) for spewing out a pitch like that?

Also sounds alot like the phone call I got a few weeks ago from some company selling home alarm systems...except they would give me the alarm free if I would put a banner...(oops, I mean sign) in my front yard...

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mjc
Links list:Computer Links (http://www.dreamwater.org/tech/mjc/index.htm)

Celts are the men that heaven made mad, For all their battles are merry and their songs are all sad.

[YODA74]

HE HE HA HA Thats pretty good bassman.


MJC,must be same call for alarm i got, Toldem I got a 122lb,rottweiler stays in the house all the time and has no voice box (hate barking)you won't come back out of the house in one piece,so no need for an alarm.

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Death has come to our windows.

-- Jeremiah 9:21
(undoubtedly a Biblical reference to a Microsoft product!)

[ErnieK]

If you think you have had a hard day dealing with a salesman read on.

Next time you have a bad day at work (or home)...think of this guy:

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in
Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling
rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week
I had bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down
lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you
to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore
you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my
office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the
office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite
cool. So what we do to keep warm is this We have a diesel
powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a
delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver
through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now
this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several
times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom
and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back
of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's
like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt
started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made
things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I
pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In
agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had
sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now since I
don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick
to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually
grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive
supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with
5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to
say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression
stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to
begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the
surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I
climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me
to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The
cream put the fire out, but I couldn't p o o p for 2 days...
So, next time you're having a bad day at work (or home), think
about how much worse it could be.
:D

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Ernie

[Whyzman]

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May all your dealings in life be win/win!


Whyzman
----------------------
Reserved for Punishing Humor...A Pessimist's blood is always B-negative!

[ranchdog]

bassman.... I can relate.

Ernie.... Glad that wasn't my butt! Jellyfish eeeeeooowwww.

Whyzman.... You Kraze.

http://www.PCGuide.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

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....How long is a minute... depends on which side of the Bathroom door you're on. ......
..........

[This message has been edited by ranchdog (edited 02-19-2002).]

[Paul Komski]

Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.

[iisbob]

Through the whole story i could only think;

Is he describing Window's?

http://www.PCGuide.com/ubb/tongue.gif


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iisbob

CPU= 5mhz
Memory= 16 K
Storage=10.2MB's
Video=Onboard S3 4K
Modem=14.4 baud
Sound=ISA Yamaha 8bit
Mouse=2 button MS
Monitor=ACER 12.5"
OS= { dual boot }DOS 2.1 & WIN 3.1

My ultimate gaming system :)

[bassman]

hehehehe, close Bob. This was written during a period of frustration in dealing with a couple of customers thinking they need one or more of these utilities on their system.
I showed them how they could do most of this with Windows, They then told me, they knew too little about computers and would rather I just fixed it for them. I told them, only if I can remove these utilities and they promise to never put them back in. http://www.PCGuide.com/ubb/wink.gif

I mean, How usefull is a tool that tells you "Your resources are low and you are short on disk space", when, if you shut down the program and removed it, you would have enough resources and disk space http://www.PCGuide.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

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Waiting patiently for the future to arrive. Frank's Place (http://dreamwater.net/tech/frankscomp/)

[Paleo Pete]

Hmmm...is that something like those "organize your files" programs? I thought Windows Explorer did that???

Say the secret word and I'll give you a year's supply.

A year's supply of what?

Good question...Give me a good answer, and I'll give you a two year supply...


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If your nose runs and your feet smell...
You're built upside down!
Note: Please post your questions on the forums, not in my email.

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