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View Full Version : Things you wish you could say at work!


iisbob
03-20-2002, 02:09 AM
-THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK BUT CAN'T.......

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhh.....I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.......{my personal favorite http://www.PCGuide.com/ubb/biggrin.gif }

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don't give a darn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I?...Flypaper for freaks??

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be....?

22. Do I look like a people person?

23. This isn't an office, It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

24. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

25. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

26. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

27. Errors have been made, Others will be blamed.

28. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

29. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

30. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

31. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

32. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

33. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

34. CHAOS, PANIC, AND DISORDER-my work here is done.

35. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

36. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.



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iisbob

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. -- Mark Twain.

kayofcircles
03-20-2002, 11:52 AM
Thanks..will be printing this up for husband. Pretty sure his favorite will be number 23. His good/bad mood when coming home is directly related to how much time he has had that day working in the field out of cell phone range. http://www.PCGuide.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Vic 970
03-20-2002, 04:16 PM
brilliant, but who say's you can't?

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for every question there's an answer. Then a load more questions.
Definition of Upgrade "A means of introducing new bugs to a program to replace the ones that you have eventually found fixes for"

Regards..,
Vic.

Whyzman
03-20-2002, 08:11 PM
iisbob,

Sent your list off to a friend who returned this:

Subject: True Story at Denver Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight, and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please, " she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14
WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** YOU!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."


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May all your dealings in life be win/win!


Whyzman
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Reserved for Punishing Humor...A Pessimist's blood is always B-negative!

Gallaeglagh
03-21-2002, 02:37 AM
Some great ones in there, I love a touch of sarcasm in the right situation.

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The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Nathaniel Borenstein

YODA74
03-21-2002, 01:36 PM
Yup have to go along with 1 and 10 well really I like them all. http://www.PCGuide.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

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Death has come to our windows.

-- Jeremiah 9:21
(undoubtedly a Biblical reference to a Microsoft product!)

YODA74@windows-sucks.com

galaxy2575
03-25-2002, 02:03 PM
well I send people that are a pain in the a$$, when the need help

here http://www.cs-hacks.tk/

Arctic Silver
03-25-2002, 03:32 PM
http://host02.ipowerweb.com/~wickedmo/ubb/biggrin.gif ROTFLMAO!!!

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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.